10,000 BC was so unbelievably cliched the whole bloody cinema didn't even bother snickering, they laughed out loud!!

Roland Emmerich...WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING????

If you didn't know, Roland Emmerich is the guy who gave us doomsday movies like Independance Day, Godzilla and The Day After Tomorrow.
I don't know about you but I actually liked the films above. Too bad 10,000 BC was so unbelievably UNREALISTIC it was funny!!

For those who haven't watched, don't bother reading on because they're sure to be spoilers here!

Anyways, as the story goes, this tribe of sangkala dreadlocked-mountain people live on this rocky icy plateau where their only source of food is the mannak (woolly mammoth to us) which comes once a year (patutla starving!!). Anyways, for some reason these things don't come as often as they used to so the people are starving. Hmmm....

In any case, a little girl with blue eyes enters the scene. The Old Mother (shaman la...this kind of people MUST have shaman or it's like having no TV!) forsees that this girl and one fella from the tribe will be the ones who'll pretty much bring the tribe to a new era or whatever. As this goes on, as usual one little kid is peeping in and he sees the girl. She sees him.

Bada Bing Bada BOOM!

Anyways, they grow up falling in love cos this kid's dad (head hunter) leaves. The dad leaves because he doesn't believe in CNN...oops...I meant the Old Mother's prophecy and to make sure no young idiots follow him, he pretends he's deserting the tribe. Yeah...wtf?? So the poor kid gets taunted cos he has this "coward" dad and all the while he's the underdog.

You do see where this is going duncha?

So anyways, when they grow up the guys all go for that prophecized last hunt and the kid, now grown (his name is D'Leh...should be Duh-leh) is hunting for his woman. WTF???? WOMAN???
I'm sorry but the feminist in me despises the fact that they are refering to their life mate as "my woman". So by sheer idiotic luck, he kills the mammoth (audience starts laughing already) and pretends he did it out of bravery cos he loves her and she loves him too.
Yada-yada-yada.

Anyways, he's suddenly guilty, returns the staff and has a little fight with the girl since she doesn't understand why the heck he's suddenly "giving her up". So, he falls asleep a little ways off from the tribe IN THE FREAKING SNOW dressed only in bits of skin.

So, as things would have it, the tribe is attacked my "four legged demons" (clearly these people haven't seen horses) and the girl (Evolet) is captured by their captain who is clearly enamoured by her. *rollz eyes*

So from there start's D'Leh's heroic journey. Throw in some gigantic man-eating dodo birds and creepy jungles and you get the adventure. So after being an idiot and causing all but one of his friends to get re-caught, he falls into a pit with a gigantic tiger and tells it, "Do not eat me when I save your life!"

The audience laughed so hard it was like I was watching a comedy!!

Then of course, the sabre tooth does NOT eat him and comes to save him later on. GOD! Anyways, he (by sheer faith and the bloody overused North Star which signifies his undying love *puke*) finds a way throught the desert to this Mesopotamian-like civilization which has a gazillion slaves and damned easy-to-break-in paddocks. I don't understand why it is so freaking easy for them to climb in and out of the "cages" and to come and go as they please yet the bloody millions of slaves can't even find a way to escape! Did I mention also that this guy' father is also damned geng chao? He's dead by the time D'leh gets to the slave city but he's laid a really impressive load of groundswork for his son. Not to mention everybloody person knowing who his father is!!

Anyways, after the battle and everything Evolet is running towards D'leh and the uber jealous guy who likes her decides (as all idiot men do) that if he can't have her, no one will. So, he shoots her (arrow la...arrow!) and she dies.

Of COURSE it cannot end like that so the old Mother, who has been watching what they're going through via her internal HBO, gives her life with her last breath.

By this time the audience is in fits of laughter.

So after this is all done...after taking down the civilization....he just LEAVES to go back to that sangkala place. And then a year later they have grown seeds from their allies. Where the hell did they find ground on the farking snowy rocky mountain side to grow bloody food in the first place??

So, frankly, it was damned disappointing and was just like The Golden Compass...full of empty promises.

Let's hope Martian Child and Wanted don't disappoint!