I know it's been awhile since I've been here...and all I want to say is I've never ever felt like this before. I don't want anyone to address whatever I've typed here because, frankly, this is what I think.

Simply, I am so stressed out and so tired that if I was run over today, I wouldn't know if I'd be grateful for the rest...or stressed because of the amount of time spent doing nothing. Everyday I wake up at about 6.30 so I can go to Uni...and I get back at 11pm.

Whole days fielding my work which is piling up and whole evenings taking care of the Finalists for Talent Night. I barely have enough time to eat and sleep...and there have been so many days when I wake up and my body does not respond as it is severely exhausted.

Not to mention the fact that third year students have to do extensive reading and research before going to a simple lecture/tutorial. I couldn't do it cos I had no Internet and the idiots in my class decided that the best way to give the notes is through the Net, forgetting that at least 50% of the class do NOT have access. Bloody fools.

Also, am having a really hard time with my Campaign group cos it feels like I'm banging my head against the wall. What's the point of trying to help and actually being the one to salvage the situation when later you are accused of being a "show off"?? Oh and did I mention that my Camapign leaders were such babies that after one rather messy meeting, they realized they could not cope and ran crying to our lecturer WITHOUT FIRST TRYING TO ADDRESS THE PROBLEM WITH THE REST OF US???? And I know for a fact that Jenn, Li Yun and me got bashed cos our names were ticked off on the lecturer's list. And oh yes, what was that she said...
"I know there are some of you with a lot of experience *meaningful look* but since you chose not to lead this time you should be supportive of your leaders..."
WTF????
Not supportive??? If it weren't for us, the damned thing would still be stuck at brainstorming!! and who ever did BLIND brainstorming???? Shit la!!

And oh, my committee member's GIRLFRIEND came to SEE ME and practically accused me of mentally torturing my committee members and Finalists with extensive training. Why you ask? Cos I called for weekend training (they DESPERATELY need it) and she wanted her bf back for a DATE. Bloody fucking little girl! So irritated and frustrated I gave her a piece of mind (teeny one mind you) and almost brokedown.

But I know if I breakdown the whole event will crash so....guess who's smiling as though she;s so happy now? I really envy Li Yun in that sense. She had a good cry and was fine. Me?
GOD I wish I could cry!!!!

I get very tired when people tell me what I SHOULD be doing. Life isn't so easy peeps. You won't be able to understand what it's like unless you were standing in my shoes. So don't tell me I should be doing this or that cos I understand your good intentions. You just don't understand that at this moment, eating regularly is not an option cos of all the class replacements and basically...I can't even eat cos I'm so tired. Ya think I don't want to? I DESPERATELY want ONE MEAL where I can sit and enjoy it...feel it actually going INTO my tummy. But that's a luxury I can't afford. *sigh*

And another thing....I know that you guys have good intentions but let me just say this. No matter what, I HATE raw vegetables and most vegetables. Can't take the taste. And don't bother trying to make me like salad cos I KNOW there are stuff YOU don't like to eat! Do you hear me telling you it's good for you and no matter what the taste you should eat it? No. So when you can willingly eat a whole basket of mushrooms, I'll eat a bowl of salad. This isn't personal...it's just an example I pulled out of my extremely cluttered and exhausted brain. If I've hurt anyone or made anyone mad, I'm sorry cos I KNOW you have good intentions. It's just....there are shades of gray. Nothing is JUST black and white.

Hugs and kisses.