These few days have been depressing days

First, I hate myself cos I'm too damned fat to live.
My eyes hurt so much they water all the time.
I see now that I have been so stupid for so long and that all I do is not appreciated...
in fact I am seen as the "bad person".
I cannot eat what I want to eat cos I'm on a diet and if I don't workout...
I feel terrible.
I am constantly putting on a smiley face to others even when I don't feel like smiling at all.
I am in a place I so want to escape from.

I am in a terrible funk....
My eyes have been opened and I see now how....used I was...
Apparently I'm friendless in Uni...*rollz eyes*

But the worse...
...is being depressed but being unable to show it.
That sucks big big time.

These few days have been days of revelation. Revelations of people I thought I knew well...
turns out I don't really know them.
In fact, I've been so blind. I chose not to see and I chose to overlook your faults. I guess I shouldn't have cos you simply stabbed me in the back. And you did it all with a concerned smile. Talk about total disillusionment.

I just...wanna thank you. You've completely fucked up my Uni life. I don't even care anymore. All I wanna do is graduate with a First Class Honour and get a scholarship and fly far far far away from you.